My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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