I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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