At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
