I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
