I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
