some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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