Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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