well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
