So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
