A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
