Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
