How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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