Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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