Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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