Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
