It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
