If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
