Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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