Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My pussy is not your playground.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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