The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
