Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
