weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
