I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
