Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
