Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
