I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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