no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
