Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
