Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
