I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it's great music for shaving your balls
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
