Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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