I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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