I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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