The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
