If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
