I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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