What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
