I got chris browned last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
