i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
