My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All I want is dick and wine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
