I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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