i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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