Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
