this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
