I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
a search helicopter?!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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