I faked an abortion last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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