Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
