if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
