I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
