We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
