How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
