Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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