Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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